Hi– Sorry it’s been a real long time since I’ve written, but you’ve let things get a little crazy here lately and I haven’t had time to write. I’m not sure this time what I want to ask for, because my whole life’s sort of run away from me and I don’t know where it’s going to lead. I’m lost. Really lost, just sort of floating right now. I know that somehow everything will be okay, but I’m finding it very difficult to believe, especially from where I’m standing. It looks like a big, deep, horrible hole and I have no idea what I can do to make it better. Everybody wants something or wants me to do something and noe have any clue as to what it is I really want – honestly, I think even I’ve forgottn. I am sooo scared. I don’t know what’s happening or what will happen. I’m trying as hard as I think I can and I just keep losing ground. The debts and hardships keep getting larger while the good things and the hope and the wages get fewer and farther between. I don’t know what to do. I was going to ask for a lot of other things, but for now, I just want an idea. A little hope. Something that show that maybe everything will be okay, somehow.

k

It’s funny how one spends her life thinking a certain way. Then all of a sudden – Bam – what was important and what she thought she always wanted turns out to have been not what she really wants at all. Thinking so thoroughly these past few months, I’ve realized that I no longer want to be a rich exec. working long hours, living in a spacious Manhattan Loft. I no longer want to wander the streets alone, stopping to read books in coffee shops. I no longer want to have a big dog and a big salary and a one bedroom flat. I no longer want to be the completely independent business woman my High School Self wanted to be.

I want to be a lover, a sharer. I want to be a person who can take the day off to spend the day with her husband, just because she feels like it. I want to be a mother and a homemaker. I want to spend the bulk of my time and energy making the one man I love more than anything… fell like a king that can do anything — I want him to feel the world wrapped around his little finger. i want him to hold me at night and tell me that he adores me.

I want him to know that he is the most important thing in my life and his dreams are all within reach. I want to hear his hopes and dreams and keep him looking always at them. i want him to rule the world, not merely wait it out. I want him to see himself as he is.. not as he perceives himself to be. I want him to know without a doubt that he is the most wonderfully intelligent street-smart, creative, handsome, beautiful, dedicated and compassionate man this world has ever seen. I want him to see himself through my eyes. Gain strength from that and use it to do all he wishes to do. I want more than anything in the world for the man I love to be happy — for despite what the world can do to him — I want him to see that it’s impossible to hold him down for long.

This man I love is strong, yet frail. Bold, yet scared. I want to give him a hand when he feels down and share the good times too. I want him to know that there are so many good times out there, that we still have not reached. Happiness is there and love and so much more, but my love, you must welcome it and let it in the door.

Life is meant to live not to muddle through and want nothing more for you to get the most of this wonderful life that’s been given to you.

Hi I’m just writing to let you know that I’m thinking about you. I hope that all is going as well as possible for you.

I want to thank you, graciously for all that you have given up for me and my peers. All that I have is great and wonderful and I have it all only because of you.

All the wonders and works that you created with ease take my breath away. Each sunrise/sunset along with each crisp day or spectacular landscape. This land that you have created is the most wonderful — it’s more than anyone could ever need.

Some things I love and Thank you for…

warm blankets – soft furry animals – strong arms – cloudless nights with starts – solitude – freedom – a great book – all ‘moving’ movies – songs to sing along with on the radio – smiles – knee socks – feeling skin absorbing the sun (warmth) – mountains – the understanding – a big tree (huge) – making apple cider – a perfect set/serve/pass – adorable dimples – shining blue eyes – gracious giving hearts – sunsets – sandy beaches – ice – walking through rain – a warm, loving, supportive hand – sincere guys – expressive music – tell-tale eyes – summer days – no speed limits – people like me – common sense – apples – a great swim – a great dive – personalities – coloring books – 96 crayons in a box – perfumes/colognes – adopted little bro’s – honesty – pens/markers – writing – edible (and good) food – long/refreshing baths – shampoo – coconut sun tan lotion – the sky – vacations – islands – roller blading – the land (earth) – falling asleep in someone’s arms – plants – nights under the stars – skinny dipping – pets – low riders – archway cookies – prom – beautiful things – Chicago – quarterbacks – parents that love me – smashing pumpkins!!! – people who make me laugh – friends you can tell everything to – people who let me cry – a soft bed – solf stuffed animales – that one look in a person’s eye – a good story/movie that makes me cry – friendly people – 10 movies in one weekend – winter break – working – balloo/yuppie and getting video rental cards – life in general – giveing things to people I care about – CD players – 3D pitures that I rarely see – Easter family get – tegether – lotsa cd’s and sales – MCW – 50-70% off sales – boys (with personalities (in general) – cheap stores – unexpected phone calls – cheap gas – great cars – California –> Disneyland – # 1 on Mellon Collie and the Infinite Sadness – college – dirty dancing – grease – cuttin edge – my life – the feast of tabernacles –  pretty woman… – 18 yrs old – definite good byes – creativity – knowing there’s always another chance – art – taco pizza – feeling like the person you’re with is someone that you could be with for the rest of your life…