Author Archives: KristinaMari

confused

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confused
don’t know what to do

big heart
always looking for a new start

behind
never knowing why

right faith
but always in the wrong place

i apologize

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for not talking to you, but I don’t know what do say. I need something solid, something secure, something real right now, more than I have ever needed anything my entire life. What you’re doing isn’t enough. You share about 20% of your life with me and the rest is just a big secret that I can’t know anything about. Not who you’re friends are, not where you’re going. You won’t even let me see your house. It’s like you give me this little piece and expect that to be enough, but it’s not. I do want to be a part of everything. I want to feel like you’re proud enough to show me to your friends, to invite me to go every once in awhile. Not keep me in the dark to everything & say it’s none of my business. You expect me to act the same and do the same things, when I’m not getting back any of the things I used to. We hardly ever go and and do things, by ourself or with other people. When you stay here, more often than not, you have to go out first & come home at 12 or 2am and you’ve been drinking or whatver. I just feel left out.

the middle ages

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the middle ages
are so hard
the times are rough
the feelings scarred

these are the times
when life is got
but not the happiest
in the lot

for now is when decisions come
to work or play or melt away

this is when you have to pay
for most of what you think and say

a job must be chosen
family too

but in this middle ages
nothing will do

it’s too soon for children
too late for games
too early for good salaries
yet the ‘old jobs’ just aren’t the same

the rest of life is counting on right now
but there are so many decisions
and so little true know-how

what is a dream

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what is a dream, when you wake up too soon
miss the happy ending, it’s just you there in your room

what is the point of life lived so sweet
when just at the peak, heartbreak tugs at your feet?

what can you do, when your life’s fading away
who do you turn to when he no longer chooses to stay?

who is left to love, when all there is is hate
when do you call it quits and walk the other way?

who will wipe the tear that falls from your leaking eye
who will hold your hand when everything passes by?

how can you lie there and let it slip away
why not just go back to sleep and see the end that way?

quiet

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you say..

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you would like me to be the ‘strong, successful woman’ 
you know can be

but ‘strong, successful women’ don’t have partners that have other girl’s **** on their cell phones, they don’t have partners that go out all night and come home the next day like it was nothing, they don’t have partners that do other stuff, proudly…

and wonder why she’s having trouble putting her mind in the place you think it should be.

the clouds appear

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the clouds appear
a huge storm is near

the drops begin
it seems like it will never end

lightning flashes, thunder roars
everyone closes all their doors

feelings can not be shown
after all, you’re all alone

soon the many clouds will clear
and the end will then be here

it’s true another storm will come
but to live, you have to pull yourself through some

I see you, I stare

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i see you, i stare
I understand, I care
I’ll follow you anywhere

I walk and I care
I step around stones and sift through the dirt
I scrub and I cleanse to break up the hurt

I sing and I play
I slumber and stay
you walk slowly away
I humbly pray

I see you, I smile
we ‘just hang’ for awhile
I sense and I feel
funny, this time it seems real
Oh, what’s the big deal, I’m just crazy

I see you smile, I squint my eyes
it’s my own friendly disguise
isn’t if funny just how fast time flies?
no, not really

why don’t you just realize?

don’t you see all this time that goes past
it’s crazy, you know, it all happens so fast

you slip and you fall
a big wall’s in your path
you climb and you climb
just to find out at last
that you’re already there

a feeling so true

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a feeling so true
like the stickiest super glue
just don’t know how to
release myself from you

or even if I want to

I want you to know
all that I see
want you to feel
the little things that we get for free…

.. that mean so much

what or why

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what or why…
don’t even try

the world’s too crazy
and most too lazy

to see the plan
set out for man

that lightens the load
and frightens a soul

into eternal happiness

poetry is

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poetry is reason

in my world of craziness

the one and only focal point
for when I run amiss

tidies up my mind
puts my thoughts in line

it even does the thinking
when I haven’t got the time

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I’m writing you today to tell you that I need your help. I need you in my life to do your will. I know my faith has been unsure for the past few years and I ask that you will strengthen that as well. I am a book of questions, searching for answers in every aspect of my life. I want a simple life — that’s what I think I need. This gift of love for another is the greatest gift I have ever been given and I want to give it all to him. You’ve given him to me and you can take him away. I know that your will is all that will occur and I guess that I’m asking that this dream I’ve been living in and living for is your will. I feel alive and I feel loved, for the first time in my life by someone. I see why man and woman were put here. Not to collect money and houses or possessions or anything. We were put here to love each other. To be with someone and to share a relationship with them that mirrors the relationship we have with you. We are to be close – to know each other – to be strong for them when we can not be strong for ourselves. We are here to love, support and believe in each other – to remind each other that life is good and beautiful and to se your love for us everyday. 

You’ve given me this gift, and it has been/is the most precious gift my minute spirit could ever ask for. It has been surprising — and never really just what I expected – furt from the very beginning it has been certain. From the first kiss – I can’t believe when people say it’s wrong. I just cannot. It is a gift I have been living, but it has been true. If I have been wrong, please allow me to se it, because I am not seeing it now. It is not the judgement of others that I’m afraid of, it is the truth from you.

I am at a very hard point right now and I need your help to lead me in the right direction. This love, this life that I am living for and dreamign of, is it only a dream? Am I crazy and imaging or is it your will? Am I to give up everything for this wonderful and complex man, or am I just being a romantic. I hear his unhappiness, I hear his fear and uncertainty about every aspect of his life, but I do not hear it about me. I do realize what he has done and may still be doing, but I can not let go and move on – there is a thick bond that still holding on to me — it’s not the time for me to leave him alone. He loves me and needs me and I can not walk out on him right now. I do not want to be some crazy ex, but his feeling is horrible — I don’t know what will happen, but I know it won’t be good.. Is this all in my head, or is it coming from you? How can I tell?

I’m afraid, so afraid of what will happen if I move to Dallas. Will he be mad, shut me out? will he still leave in December? I do not know what to do exactly — I don’t know how to make this decision, because either way, someone will be unhappy. You have put him here for me – somehow I believe you have and I cannot shake the feeling. We just belong. I can not explain it all – all this that is understood in my head. i don’t konw of any way, except through you to open his heart. You see, I think I’ve snuck inside it and made myself a home, but for some reason, his ‘for rent/sale’ sign is still out. Can you help me with this? I will marry  him, if it’s your will — In my heart, I already have — I ask, today, that you use your strength to do this. To open his heart and his eyes — to help him to see what is so obviously real. To get him out of this horrible denial he has buried his feelings into. Only through you.

I have seen him, the real him. The inside. I see the scared and frighened little boy who feels outcast and abandonded and i just want to hold him for every and let him know that everything will be okay. Please don’t let him run from me as well. I can help him. Show him how beautiful and spectacular the world is that you have given us. Please, let me be there for him, let him know that the world is not made to be alone. and let me be justified in all that I’ve done (or to not be inspired to do it). let my family understand and not disown me for my actions – give them the strength to hold on and to just wait and see what will happen. Help them to see the side of him that I see and not only the parts that aren’t perfect. He’s a wonderful creation and I am so thankful that you have put him in the world. He’s opened the window of my heart and I feel free with him — As I was made to feel

Please give me strength to make the right decisions.

thank u!

home

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home is not that great a place
until you’ve gone away
then it is a haven of which
you often dream and pray

you wish and dream and hope
that soon you will be there
To all the things that made you leave
you do no longer care

you heard your name whispered on the wind
and knew from where it came
That one sweet place from in your mind
that will always stay the same

one day you return
to this place you’re so very fond
but all the things you dreamed of
all of them are gone

the people and the places
are not quite what they were
and to them your fondest thoughts
have faded to a blur

seems true that home is something
and is quite a special place
but more priceless are the memories
for they will never lose their grace

ever changing ( only surprised ) | original

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Original | Oil Pastels Abstract Art | Text Overlay

Buy a  Downloadable PDF

little ant

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order a print
( from zazzle)